It's been a long time since I blogged, and it's time to get back to it. I noticed that when I am not blogging or writing, I am losing myself. I fall back into old patterns I no longer want to see in myself. What I have been working so hard for is slipping through my fingers.
You might be asking yourself, "Then why did you stop?" Great question; I got busy with another life. This happens to most of us, all of us, if we are truly honest with ourselves.
I found someone special and put my whole self into their life, not even allowing me to continue my life. Ten months later, I am angry and disappointed that I fell back into old patterns. It's easy to do when you are a people pleaser, and you will do anything for the ones you love. But when it came down to it, I needed more love for myself. We usually don't think about having more love for ourselves because that would be selfish. That's what people or our loved ones would say. So we do whatever it takes to please them and be there for their every need; then, gradually, you start to disappear and stop giving yourself the love you need.
It's funny; you have to really love yourself to receive the love you deserve, yet society tells us differently, or we are selfish. Self-development tells us to love ourselves more to receive love, but then our loved ones tell us that's selfish. We get trapped in the wheel of pleasing others when we don't realize that if we love ourselves more, our loved ones have to start doing the same thing. That's why we are called selfish, we are no longer just giving to them, and they will have to do for themselves; that's what pisses them off. We are not selfish; we no longer allow ourselves to become depleted from what we truly need. What we truly need is the love to us, from us.
Crazy thought, isn't it? Think about it for a minute. What have you stopped doing for yourself to please someone else? I stopped working on my own business, stopped writing, stopped doing self-development, and stopped my radio show; these are just a few things. I have been so angry at myself that I would direct the anger outward when, in fact, I should have been brave enough to say NO.
This past Sunday, I said No More. I walked off a job, I was numb, I had no emotion, I had nothing left to give. I had no kind of feeling inside me for at least two days. To know me is to know I lost my shit. The last straw broke my back. Now, I have had some time to myself, and I am figuring out what Rita wants and what Rita is going to do. I will start standing up for myself positively and not let anyone tell me differently. I will still be me, but I will love myself so much that I will do what it takes to keep my dreams alive as everyone else in my life has been keeping their dreams alive. I realized I sacrificed myself for the love and acceptance of others; that is my responsibility to take on and correct. I have been out of integrity with myself way too long, and it is time to get back in check.
It's okay to do for others as long as you are not losing yourself. It's okay to say no when you are not doing what you must do for yourself. It's okay to start fresh anytime you need to do so.
Today, I am starting fresh. Today, I will love myself more than I love another. Today, I will live my dreams while I still help others to live theirs. Today, I will be happy with my decisions and not care what people think of me. Today, I will practice what I said I would do. Today, I will be patient and continue to love myself when I slip into old patterns.
I pray this blog helps someone say yes to love for themselves. Have a fantastic day, my beautiful souls. I love you and will see you soon.