Today's inspiration is so fitting because I have forgotten how to breathe. I have been doing so many things this year trying to get a head and I have forgotten how to breathe. I have been holding my breath for so long it all caught up to me. When we worry or stress it takes such a hold on us; it's like constantly pushing the panic button and we don't even realize we are doing it. This year for me has been pretty hard to breathe; especially this past month. The end of the year is upon us and I had so many things that I wanted to accomplish and yet I am running out of time. However, there are so many things that I have accomplished and I did not give myself acknowledgement for.
We put so much expectations on ourselves it is amazing. We have our hopes and dreams and everything we are trying to accomplish. Last year I said that this year would be different; I would have the money I needed for the holidays and I would be able to do what I wanted when I wanted. This year was going to be different. How many of you have been saying the same thing? Well, this year was different; there were so many things that I accomplished and did for myself. But somehow, I never pay homage to that; I looked at what I did not do or how I did not change a situation. How many of you have been doing the same thing to yourself?
When we treat ourselves terribly it comes out in our heath. We no longer can breathe on our own or we start to get so sick that we wear ourselves down. We don't have the strength to continue or to keep fighting for the dreams that we have; we literally start to give up on ourselves. One of the things that I did during my hospital stay was to look at myself; what was it that I was punishing myself for. I was able to write and really take a good look at myself. I realized all the things that I had accomplished this year; all the work I did with my business, my blog, being on a radio show along with being able to help my parents in their time of need, while traveling across country by myself. I looked at my financial situation that has been up and down, but I realized that I was able to do so many things without realizing it. I had to really look at all of my accomplishments this year; I could not believe what I was writing. Then I looked at what was stopping me; what was it that was only allowing me to go so far....I found that I have always felt like a burden. Since I was an infant I have always suffered from asthma; in and out of hospitals causing my family money to keep me well...as I grew into an adult I still had to deal with the expense of asthma and I have been doing whatever it took to cut costs which in turn caused me to get so sick that I could not breathe hardly at all on my own. I discovered that I have always been treating myself as a burden to everyone around me. As I treat myself this way, I cannot love myself enough to stay healthy and to take care of myself. How is it that you are treating yourself?
As I wrote, a lot of emotional pain kept coming up for me that attacks the lungs. I really got a good look at how I have been hurting myself by the way I was holding on to old pain that no longer served me. Asthma is an emotional illness; as I have lived my whole life feeling like a burden, of course I can't breathe. I was not allowing life to flow into me and breathe for me. I have been holding my breath waiting for the shoe to drop. This last hospital stay really scared me; I truly did not think I was going to make it out alive. I had to put my views of myself aside and ask for help and the support of my friends and family. For the first time in my life I did not suffer alone. I loved myself enough to accept help and love from everyone around me.
For us to be Healthy and Confident we need to be able to really look at what it is that we are doing in our lives and take responsibility for it. We need to start loving ourselves enough to accept who we are and know we are perfect just the way we are and we also deserve all the goodies that life has to offer. If you are finding something about you that never seems to get better, really look at what you are doing to keep it that way. You owe it to yourself to be the best version of you and love yourself unconditionally. This was a huge wake up call for me; it is time for me to be responsible for who I am and release the old emotional pain that has been keeping back.
I love each and every one of you out there sharing in my life. I hope that you are able to change your life through my experiences. Until we meet again my friends...
With all my love....Rita